One of the mistakes that I have made in my life is that I programmed myself too tightly.
Many well educated and successful professional and entrepreneurs do the same thing and in the end they lose more than they would otherwise gain.
In my case, I use to arrange my life so that I was always busy. I was always striving to do more and more things.
I had to see this extra patient. I had to give this other speech. I had to attend this lecture. I had to tape this important show. I had to, I had to…
My life dissipated into a string of activities at the expense of taking time to be happy.
I remember working with a Prime Minister a few years ago. The country was doing well. He got a lot of credit, but he was incredibly busy and he realized that his life was slipping away.
One day, he took me aside, and with sadness in his eyes and with a childish rebellious outburst, he said, “Ken, I have to free up myself. I am going to have to free up myself,” and he repeated that several times.
I got the feeling that he was physiologically and psychologically trapped and he wanted a taste of freedom even if he enjoyed being a leader burdened by enormous responsibilities.
You don’t have to be the leader of a country to experience the same feeling of being imprisoned by the activities and situations around you.
I am sure, like me, you are often tempted to do more and more in an effort to escape for a while but we end up compounding the problem. Sometimes we fall into the trap of expanding our territory on the pretext of adding more value to your work, without realizing that we are essentially extinguishing the flame of our happiness.
And Happiness is the prize.
What we need is not necessarily a change in occupation but a change in attitude. We need to see in our minds what is really important and embrace those things with more energy and understand that less important things will fall into place.
Like the prime minister, we have to free ourselves up and create more margin in our lives. We need more time for “Me”- time to reflect, 5 minutes to spend on ourselves, to do nothing, and so allow the wiser and better parts of ourselves to surface and positively influence the other aspects of our lives.
Here are some practical suggestions.
When you wake up in the morning think “me” first. Not the children, not the boss, not the husband or boyfriend, but me. Ask yourself, “how can I enrich my life so that I can give more? What do I need inside to a better mother, or accountant or teacher? Who am I? What am I doing here? What are my values, what am I about? What is really important to me?”
Assume the discipline to listen to your body and mind as you examine yourself for a few seconds before you begin your day.
Don’t ask the questions of yourself and then rush hurriedly to try and find the answers. You will just be importing the same stressful thinking that has diminished your happiness.
Learn to wait.
Pause.
Create times of solitude.
Contemplate the grandeur that’s within you as you ask these questions. Keep asking these questions as you examine your life day after day and you will begin to live the answers.
Secondly, take a deep breath and then slowly relax all your muscles and tell yourself that you will remain calm and steady in the midst of all that you will face on any given day.
Finally, think of the one or two things that you want to accomplish today and focus in a calm way on these goals. Remember to breathe in through your nose as deeply and evenly as you can, and exhale thru your mouth several times during the day.
Take back your life by remembering that happiness is the prize.