The fact that you are a unique human with your own special talents and gifts is a guarantee that conflicts will develop. But how do you handle a conflict responsibly and without any pain or hurt from the parties involved? Here are 15 practical ideas about conflicts that you can use:
1. Back away from conflicts. If you know someone is coming to pick a fight or provoke dissonance, try as much as possible to avoid that situation.
2. If a conflict already exists, don’t suppress the discomfort. Don’t put off dealing with the person or persons involved. Make an appointment and address the issue at an appropriate time. Carry the credo that you are going to destroy your enemy or enemies by turning them into your friends.
3. Conflicts cause stress and stress causes diseases. Prepare for the conversation or the meeting carefully. The chance to unload the stress is a big deal; take time to prepare. Don’t only prepare the facts but prepare yourself emotionally. Eschew all frustration, anger, bitterness, revenge or hostility and fill your thoughts and your mind with feelings of love and kindness and patience. Be your wisest and noblest self.
4. Write down the goal or goals that you want to achieve from the encounter. For example: “I want us to agree never to shout at each other again, unless the house is on fire. I want us to agree to get out of debt.” Go to the meeting with clear outcome goals.
5. Adopt another kind of goal, a behavioral goal or performance goal to govern how you will behave during the meeting. Whereas the outcome goal does not depend entirely on you, the behavioural goal is entirely in your hands. Here are a few examples: “I’m going to sit up straight and maintain eye contact. I am going to listen opportunistically and never interrupt. I’m going to take notes.”
6. Leave your ego at the door. Do nothing and say nothing out of a desire to look superior. Boost the other person’s ego if at all possible. This is not a contest.
7. Define the problem clearly. Stick to the facts and leave blame, criticism or revenge out of it – just the fact.
8. Describe clearly the behavior you observe and not what you think it means; e.g, “ I noticed you arrived at 4:30 pm,” rather than, “you are always late.” Resist the temptation to condemn.
9. Banish judgment. Embrace curiosity. Adopt an enquiring, learning attitude.
10. Refuse to defend yourself. When you are accused of something turn the spotlight on the problem you are here to solve and focus on that. Give up being right in favor of being happy. Communicate with clarity, courtesy, consideration, constructiveness, conciseness and congruence.
11. Listen more than you talk. The less you talk the stronger you become.
12. Breathe in deeply and slowly thru your nose and breathe out through your mouth and relax, all during the conversation or meeting
13. Beware! Negative emotions abound and hostility can easily be triggered. Put on an attitude of respect and acceptance when conflicts arise.
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