There is something about the qualities of dogs that I find so endearing. The unbounded joy 
of seeing their masters, their faithful obedience, the almost childlike cognizance of what is right and wrong, and then there is their ability to forgive.
I notice that dogs are unreservedly forgiving. When you have a bad day and you come home in a lousy mood and you treat them badly, they will still come around and act happy to see you. They seem to know how to forgive.
I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness because of my own experience with my dogs, and although I have studied the quality of forgiveness in the context of psychophysiology, philosophy and religion, it is still both a concept and action, that is at times, foreign to me.
What is forgiveness and how far do you have to go to forgive someone? And frankly, how do you know if you have forgiven?
Does the offender have to know that you have forgiven him or her for it to truly embody the act of forgiveness, or is it an action that is wholly self-serving? Is it really just an inside job done to relieve you of the burden of resentment and hostility? Are the feelings of the perpetrator and their freedom an essential part of forgiveness?
I had a friend once who was quite well off. An adept investor, he worked for some of the largest banks in the world. One day he offered to make me some money. He empathized with the overwork I was experiencing running a practice while also working at the regional hospital, and having little to show for my efforts. He promised a healthy percentage for any investment capital I could scrounge up.
Being a close and very trusted friend, while at the same time hoping to better my economic fortunes, I withdrew a large portion of my savings and entrusted it into his hands.
All was well for the first 3 months as I received quite handsome returns, at times which were even higher than he had initially projected.
However, after 3 months the checks suddenly stopped coming. This did not perplex me initially, as the bond I had had with this person was enough for me to subdue any arising doubts. It wasn’t until many months later that I had heard through several colleagues that he had bought a mansion in Europe for several million dollars. Even the doubts that continued to grow in my mind struggled mightily with the trust and bond that I had built throughout the years with my now so-called friend.
I reached out to him, however my calls were never returned and any communication that I sent to him went unanswered.
That was 10 years ago.
Needless to say, he abused my friendship and took advantage of my admiration of his apparent success. I was furious at first wondering how he could have done such a horrible deed to a good friend.
When I think about this story it puts the question, “what does forgiveness mean?” into context for me. Does it mean that I don’t harbor any ill feelings or resentment against this man?
Does it mean that I understand that he needed the money to help him purchase a home in Europe?
Does it mean that I nurture no animosity against this man?
My view of forgiveness was defined for me from this event. While I did harbor disdain and anger for a period of time, I came to understand that holding these things in and letting them affect my sense of self, my actions and my thought patterns was not equitable to the amount that I had lost or the betrayal I had experienced (and trust me losing $300,000 is surely reason for a few angry fits and sleepless nights).
What is forgiveness then?
It’s when you forget.
And forgetting is a natural psychological reaction to traumatic events. It’s more difficult for some than others; for some people a series of traumatic events can inhibit their way of life. However, for most people there is a natural psychological healing process that the self employs after a particularly traumatic emotional event.
By no means is forgiving another an easy task. Forgiveness, in some cases, can take a lifetime, however it is one of the most powerful actions that we can take not only for ourselves but for each other.
I hope, and in my heart I know, that one day the paths of my friend and myself will intertwine. I know that my inner self will be flush with the memories of that horrible event, but the feelings that I experienced from it, as our canine counterparts would, will have been happily forgotten.