Ben was a good friend. We worked together on an important project for 3 years, which turned out to be very successful. It made him a lot of money.
He then left to work in Asia and I hadn’t heard from him until a few weeks ago when he visited Vancouver.
When we met for lunch, Ben was exceptionally warm and cordial. It was as if he had never left. He asked about my family with utmost sincerity and showed keen interest in every detail of my life. He complimented me on what I was doing and his single-minded attention to me was inspiring. He promised to call me the following day to set a time to meet with my whole family and suggested that we keep in close touch with each other.
Towards the end of our meeting, Ben told me about a new product he was promoting and asked if I had any interest in it. I told him that I was excited for him and that I thought he would do well. However, as interesting and as lucrative his proposal sounded, I was firm about my inability to commit to any new ventures.
Immediately Ben’s enthusiasm evaporated. He quickly ended the meeting and I never heard from him again.
It took me a few moments to figure out that all Ben wanted was for me to get involved with his new project. All his loving antics and keen interest he expressed were designed to win my devotion to his new business venture. My friendship meant nothing on its own. In some ways he was hoping to use me as one steppingstone towards the achievement of his goals.
As I left the restaurant, I walked slowly back to my office, and I wondered how often I must have done something similar in my career in an effort to get ahead. Maybe not so blatantly, but I started examining the way I do business and how I could mitigate the use of people as tools to further my own cause.
We all tend to be nicer and more affable to people who are affluent because they are in a position to help us advance in our endeavors, or simply to be associated with them. Conversely, we tend to make less of people who are in lower positions or are struggling. We act for the most part as if our love and devotion is linked to an unspoken expectation of benefit and gain.
As I recall my encounter with Ben, I felt perturbed by his actions. However, it got me thinking about how I could respect the people around me for who they are and not for how much they can do for me.
In our haste to reach the top, it is easy to yield to the temptation to ignore peoples’ true feelings and objectify them as a means to an end.
It is Schopenhauer who said, “people should never be used as a means to an end, but rather as an end in themselves”.