• Phone: 1-800-506-0067

Blog

PICT0028-2

Handling Conflicts

Posted in Happiness, Relationships, Success by Ken Nedd. | Leave a Comment

The fact that each one of us is a unique human being with our own special talents, gifts and natural tendencies, is a guarantee that conflicts will arise. Conflicts do not have to impede our progress, if we choose the correct response, they can become great catalysts to our success.

Here are 15 practical ideas that you can use when dealing with a conflict in any relationship.

  • Back away from conflicts. If you know someone is coming to pick a fight or provoke dissonance, try as much as possible to avoid that situation. Learn to spot conflicts in utero, before they are born, and back away.
  • If a conflict already exists, don’t suppress the discomfort. Don’t pretend that all is well. Don’t put off dealing with the person or persons involved. Make an appointment and address the issue at an appropriate time, as soon as possible.
  • Use the meeting as an opportunity to turn your opponents into supporters. As Abraham Lincoln said, “ destroy your enemies by turning them into your friends”.
  • Conflict resolution is important work. Conflicts cause stress and stress shortens life. Therefore take the time to prepare diligently for the encounter. The chance to unload the stress of a conflict is a wonderful gift. It could save you from a heart attack. So prepare well. Don’t only prepare the facts and rehearse your arguments, but prepare yourself emotionally. Eschew all frustration, anger, bitterness, revenge or hostility and fill your thoughts and your mind with feelings of empathy, kindness, humility and patience. Aim to be your wisest and noblest self when dealing with a conflict.
  • Make some rules that will govern the way the meeting or conversation must proceed.
  • Write down the goal or goals that you want to achieve from the encounter. For example: “I want us to agree never to shout at each other again, unless the house is on fire; or I want us to agree to get out of debt” or whatever. Go to the meeting with clear outcome goals.
  • In addition to the outcome goal or goals, adopt another type of goal, a behavioral goal or performance goal to govern how you will behave during the meeting. Whereas the outcome goal does not depend entirely on you alone, the behavioral goal is entirely in your hands. Here are a few examples: “I’m going to sit up straight and maintain eye contact. I am going to listen opportunistically and never interrupt. I’m going to take notes”.
  • Leave your ego at the door. Do nothing and say nothing out of a desire to look superior. Self-aggrandizement is absolutely forbidden. Boost the other person’s ego if at all possible. This is not a contest. This is not about winning. You win a fight but you resolve a conflict.
  • Define the problem clearly. Stick to the facts and leave blame, criticism or revenge out of it – just the fact. Beware of negative emotions such as envy, hostility, jealousy and self doubt.
  • Describe clearly the particular behavior or habit you observe, and not your interpretation of it. For example, it is better to say “I noticed you arrived at 4:30 pm,” rather than “you are always late”. Resist the temptation to condemn.
  • Banish judgment. Don’t judge something as bad because it is unfamiliar to you or at variance with what you believe. Embrace curiosity. Adopt an inquiring attitude and try hard to understand. This draws the other person to you. Empathy is amazing.
  • Refuse to defend yourself. When you are accused of something, turn the spotlight on the problem you are here to solve and focus on that and not on you or the other party.
  • Give up being right in favor of being happy. Admitting errors clears the score and leaves you better than before.
  • Communicate with clarity, courtesy, consideration, constructiveness, conciseness and congruence.
  • Listen more than you talk. The less you talk the stronger you become. Silence is strength.
  • Lower your level of tension before and during the meeting. Breathe in deeply and slowly thru your nose; and as you breathe out, relax all your muscles. Try to breathe like this for the duration of the meeting or conversation.
  • Beware! Negative emotions abound. Hostility can easily be triggered. Put on an attitude of understanding and acceptance, and move far away from the arena of revenge or blame.
  • Stay on top of your emotions. Notice how you feel and stay lifted. Stay positive.

 

If you are slow to anger, you are better than the mighty, and if you can rule your spirit you are grater than any general who conquers a city.

 

QUOTE

“ In all the trade of war no feat is nobler than a brave retreat”

 

QUESTION

What is the most common cause of conflict between you and anyone?

130

What Do You Need To Leave Behind?

Posted in Happiness, Happiness, Success by Ken Nedd. | Leave a Comment

What’s holding you back?

I think that we should always look for landmarks that we can use as motivation to move to a higher plane in our lives. A new day, a new week or a new month presents each of us with a great opportunity to initiate change.

Imagine every morning for example, that you are going to a new country to start a new life …. In that new country you will have everything you need but you must leave behind everything that will slow you down.

So ask yourself what would hinder my progress in the new country or in the new life that I want to create for myself?

What bad habits should I leave behind lest my journey be compromised? What relationships do I need to end? What jobs do I need to give up?

Actually take the time out to examine how you have lived, what stood in the way of your progress and leave those things behind every time you give yourself the opportunity to begin anew.

Any attitude, emotion or tendency that you think will impede your progress?

Leave it behind.

When, as a medical student I went to study neurosurgery in San Francisco, I examined myself and I had to leave behind many habits and beliefs about myself that would slow me down.

You are on the verge of big success. You are embarking today on a new journey to a new country in this new day called tomorrow. A new level of success awaits you.

Something great is going to happen in your life if you clear away the baggage. You are destined to do amazing things in your new life.

But please ask yourself, “What do I need to leave behind in order to feel unencumbered and make fast progress spiritually, emotionally, financially and socially?”

What must I give up in order to have more energy and vibrancy to attract more success in my work and in my relationships?

Take the opportunity that a new day, week or month offers you to become a better person and be sure to leave some unwanted cargo behind.

Success depends on what you decide to leave behind.

Plešivica 078-2

Interesting Facts About Happiness

Posted in Happiness by Ken Nedd. | Leave a Comment

HAPPINESS in the workplace is a new vehicle to raise the income of a company. Research has demonstrated that happier employees accomplish more, get sick less and have a positive influence on company profits.

When you are happy you are 37% better at sales and if you are going for an operation, you better hope that your surgeon had a good happy, loving night because this alone will increase your chances by nearly 20%.

In addition to all this, happiness brightens the emotional and physical atmosphere in the workplace.

Happiness, to be happiness, has to be noticed. It surfaces from inside the individual who embraces it and affects those around.

When an employee, despite how busy she is, decides to take her happiness in her own hands and magnify it, positive physiological consequences are experienced by that individual, as well as by those around her.

 

Consider these benefits:

 

  • Happiness has a positive impact on the cardiovascular system. One study estimated that 100 bouts of laughter is equivalent to about 10-15 minutes on an exercise bike.
  • By deciding that you are going to be happy in the face of all your troubles, and by adopting the thoughts, attitudes and actions of a happy person, you increase in your circulation the levels of IgA, IgG, IgM, cytokines, natural killer cells CD4, complements and other natural chemicals and these are the armies that the immune system uses to fight cancer, foreign body invasion and infection.
  • You increase your risk of dying if you harbor depressive tendencies.
  • A study involving 36 women with cancer reported that those who consistently expressed joy despite the diagnosis live on.
  • Micro RNA are higher in happy people and these hormones combat depression, anxiety and stress.
  • Increased perceived happiness leads to a decrease in pro inflammatory condition and inflammation is linked to the major chronic diseases such as Diabetes, hypertension, heart disease and Dementia.
  • The single most important factor that will determine how long you will live, is how happy you are or how much you enjoy your life.
  • According to Robert Townsend, one of the most important roles of a leader is to protect the energy of his or her people and one way to do that is to behave with the happiness of your staff in mind. When you do all in your power to make your staff happy this increases their energy and they influence customers in amazing ways.
  • The most crucial discovery is that happiness does not only make you feel good and enable you to enjoy what you are doing, but it has long lasting physiological consequences.
  • A CEO or Manager can decrease the incidence of heart disease and cancer in the company by making the happiness of his employees a daunting priority.

 

When you consider all the physiological benefits of Happiness, it is amazing that Happiness is free and it is right where you are. You just have to decide that despite what’s going on, you will welcome happiness into your life.

Do you think we would be happier if we could go to the store, pick it up and pay for it?

Well we can pick it up. Its right within our reach , but we have to remember to pay for it.

We tend to leave our level of happiness at the mercy of others. How excited and positive we feel is generally determined by what is going on outside of ourselves.

A good lesson to remember is that whoever we allow to determine our level of happiness is determining the level of our health, our performance and our income as well.

canoe_01

Quick Prescription For Stress Relief

Posted in Stress Reduction Tips by Ken Nedd. | Leave a Comment

If you are feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed or unhappy, do not despair.

We have helped millions of people get instant relief from anxiety, frustration and stress, and get back to feeling happy again.

Here are a few things you can start doing right away that will bring you great results:

1- Recognize that stress, with all its unpleasant irritating feelings, is due to the response that you make to the difficulties that you face.

The terrible situations by themselves cannot cause you stress. They need you to play victim. The trick is to respond to every difficulty in ways that enhance your energy and improve your health….

And in this way, turn every stressor into a trigger for self- improvement.

Here is an important question, no matter who you are…..

What is it that you are facing that is making you anxious?

The first step is to look at your life, stare the problem in the face. Recognize the culprit and name it….

And say with deep conviction, “ I can handle that” and you can..

You are much stronger than you think.

 

2- Increase the awareness that you bring to your life..

Turn up the wick of your awareness and let it shine brighter and brighter and focus it deep within you.

Be mindful every moment of how you are experiencing the world and cease to run your life on automatic …..

Open your eyes wide and see what you see and feel what you feel and bring your whole self more fully to your life and work.

Awareness leads to control and control leads to happiness. So the crux of this lesson is to turn up the power of your awareness.

 

3- At the slightest sign that your body is beginning to become stressed, do 3 things right away:

Tense your body for a moment and take a deep breath thru your nose and hold it for a moment

Release all tension as you breathe out slowly and mindfully

Focus on your arms and legs and feel them becoming heavy and warm. Continue to breaths deeply and slowly for as long as you can.

These techniques are simple but they have great power to relieve stress and improve your sense of subjective well being.

 

dog-blog-happy

Practical Tips To Get Back To Happy and Leave Stress Behind

Posted in Happiness by Dr.Nedd. | Leave a Comment

Practical Steps:

• Anticipate stressful times and plan to reduce the stress. Imagine the problems and difficulties coming at you, but see yourself handling them calmly and effectively.

• Predict when you are most likely to become stressed and use your imagination to prepare the brain to excel.

• Exercise for 25 minutes 4 to 5 times per week. (Sudden exercise can be harmful. Start slowly and build up gradually).

• Avoid nutritional stressors like excess calories (eat little, live long), animal fat, sugar and refined carbohydrates, caffeine (coffee, tea, cola) and salt.

• Avoid eating at night. Metabolic rate is lower at night.

• Eat slowly. Become a slow eater. Never eat on the run.

• Put a price on your time. Refuse to do any tasks of less value unless it is for fun.

• Learn to delegate. Remember you are vulnerable to stress and disease and you are not indispensable.

• Laugh. This can change your emotions, your biochemistry and your brain.

• Smile. Carry with you the intention to brighter the lives of everyone you touch.

• Know why you are on the planet. Be able to state your purpose in your sleep.

• Make at least one or two goals everyday and focus on what is most important without distraction.

• Leave your inbox alone. It has more to do with other people than with you. Work on what is important.

• Plan your day with happiness in mind. Remember Happiness is the prize.

• Establish control over your physiology in response to any situation by instituting the practice of Instant Relaxation.

• Practice instant relaxation all day long. This is how you trim the tension away. First tense all your muscles and take a deep breath. Then relax your scalp face neck, jaws, abdomen and legs. Breathe deeply and evenly for as long as you can. Feel your arms and legs become heavy and warm.

blog-enough2

When Enough is Enough

Posted in Happiness by Dr.Nedd. | Leave a Comment

I once worked for a prime minister who was very highly respected around the world. He was in power for a long time and it was time for him to retire as the markers of aging were beginning to appear.

As election rolled around a young and able opponent from the other party was beginning to gain the support of the country and no one seemed able to stop the young upstart.

The prime minister had all the power and respect of his people but he wanted more; so despite his failing health, he mounted a massage campaign and proved himself unbeatable again. He was hailed a hero again.

He gained more glory than he ever did before but 3 weeks after his victory he died of heart disease.

He chose MORE over his health.

Many of us are doing just that – giving our health for greater  wealth, greater power or more money.Do you know when enough is enough? Why strive for a whole loaf when just a slice will do?

3 Reasons to become a happier person

1. Really happy people live an average of 7.5 years longer and happiness is a choice.

2. Happiness is the antidote to stress and the happier your are the healthier and more productive you will be

3. By deciding to adopt the attitudes, demeanour and actions of a happy person you will raise the level of chemicals in your body that combat infection, depression, heart disease, diabetes, Alzheimer’s and other diseases of inflammation and you will strengthen your immune system at the same time.

blog-master-list

The Master Key For Increasing Happiness and Decreasing Stress

Posted in Happiness by Dr.Nedd. | Leave a Comment

Do you have what it takes to be truly happy and stress-free? Did you know that internal change for the positive is something that you can begin taking steps toward now? In my twenty plus years as a happiness coach and relief expert, I’ve seen and tried it all. Below are my most helpful hints for increasing your levels of happiness and decreasing your stress for good.

• Anticipate stressful times and plan to reduce the stress. Imagine the problems and difficulties coming at you, but see yourself handling them calmly and effectively.

• Predict when you are most likely to become stressed and use your imagination to prepare the brain to excel.

• Exercise for 25 minutes 4 to 5 times per week. (Sudden exercise can be harmful. Start slowly and build up gradually).

• Avoid nutritional stressors like excess calories (eat little, live long), animal fat, sugar and refined carbohydrates, caffeine (coffee, tea, cola) and salt.

• Avoid eating at night. Metabolic rate is lower at night.

• Eat slowly. Become a slow eater. Never eat on the run.

• Put a price on your time. Refuse to do any tasks of less value unless it is for fun.

• Learn to delegate. Remember you are vulnerable to stress and disease and you are not indispensable.

• Laugh. This can change your emotions, your biochemistry and your brain.

• Smile. Carry with you the intention to brighter the lives of everyone you touch.

• Know why you are on the planet. Be able to state your purpose in your sleep.

• Make at least one or two goals everyday and focus on what is most important without distraction.

• Leave your inbox alone. It has more to do with other people than with you. Work on what is important.

• Plan your day with happiness in mind. Remember Happiness is the prize.

• Establish control over your physiology in response to any situation by instituting the practice of Instant Relaxation.

• Practice instant relaxation all day long. This is how you trim the tension away. First tense all your muscles and take a deep breath. Then relax your scalp face neck, jaws, abdomen and legs. Breathe deeply and evenly for as long as you can. Feel your arms and legs become heavy and warm.

family-blog-post

What Kind of Family Do You Want to Have?

Posted in Happiness by Dr.Nedd.

Most of us belong to a family. We love our family. We get together and try to have fun and we feel a sense of connection that has more to do with habit and genes than and specific set of values that we decide to bring to the relationship.

Here are 18 things you can do right away to improve the texture of your family experience on a daily basis:

1. Does your family love just because you are family? Would they give you the time of day if you were not? Would your attitudes and actions win their respect and admiration? Would they think you are a nice person? Cultivate 3 habits in your life that would make your family think the world of you even if you were not related

2. Call a family meeting for a few minutes and define 5 specific values that you want to be prominent in the family.

3. Have a specific time to get together and share every day or every week. Make it a priority. Create a routine and stick to it.

4. Take pictures together. Tell the story and note the kind of story the family is telling.

5. Control the reputation of the family. Ask the question, “From the way we live our lives, what qualities do the neighbours attribute to us as a family? Who do they think we are?”

6. Decide collectively to live in such a way that your family would make a positive difference in your neighbourhood.

7. Get together and laugh. Make happiness a priority and do simple things to lift up one another.

8. Profit from your family tradition. Every family is unique. Know what makes your family unique. Identify one or two things from the history of your elders, decide what is good and decide to promote it in the context of the family and pass it on.

9. Honour your family. Don’t look down on your family because other families might be more affluent.

10. Create opportunities for the members of the family to collaborate on a project – build something together. Visit the homeless together. The more you work together the happier you will be.

11. Help other families that are not as fortunate as you. Find a specific way to do it.

12. As a family, get together and give. One Christmas each member of a particular family decided what amount of money they were going to spend on gifts for each other. They then put that money together and gave it to a poor family overseas. This was the happiest Christmas they ever had. They changed the lives of others and their own lives were changed for the better.

13. Live with the happiness of each other in mind. Let compliments fall like rain.

14. Decide on 5 things that are important to your family and install them.

15. A good family is never found but created. Create a safe environment for each other within the family where each one feels free to tell the truth, however ugly but each person must be able to stand the truth from each other without rushing to judgment and condemnation.

17. Do something spiritual that will lift you all up together every week. Go for a walk, visit a sick person, meditate, contemplate or worship together.

18. Remember that you have the health of your family members in your hands. You can drive them crazy. You can make them sick. You can be a source of constant irritation and stress. This affects the heart and the immune system in negative ways. Aim to boost health at home in everything you do or say, so that you will strengthen the physiology of those who are closest to you.

 

blog-post-happiness-heals

Happiness Heals

Posted in articles, Happiness by Dr.Nedd. | Leave a Comment

Tips for handling stress

Restrict the impact of a stressful event or situation. Don’t let it spread to a different area of your life. If it’s a work stressor, don’t let it downgrade your relationship to your spouse or your family. As soon as you recognize that you are affected by work stress, immediately take steps to upgrade the caliber of your relationships at home.

If you have problems causing you stress with one person, don’t let it spread and affect your relationship with others. Learn to put a wall around the situation to enclose while If unrestrained a stressor will invade unrelated areas of your life and cause havoc. If there is a stressful situation occurring at work, immediately protect your family life or you may end up fighting for no reason.

When stressors strike surround yourself with an impenetrable wall of grace, beauty, love and support. Let the other areas of your life glow as you work through your specific

Integrity – a defense against stress

There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience. The integrity issue trips up most of us in some measure from time to time. It is crucial to keep your integrity intact although it is very hard to do so.

Every Tuesday morning John gets out his list of values and reviews them. These are the principles that govern his life and he makes every effort to stick to them. So he becomes thoroughly familiar with them and enact them in his life.

Integrity for John is knowing what you should do ( no confusion) and having the courage to do it even though others may ridicule you for it.

Emanauel Kant says that we should behave in such a way that our actions could become a universal law. Whenever I am tempted to let my integrity slip a bit, I usually imagine that everything I do will be not only on TV but also on the Internet. This usually motivates me to be noblest self.

Lack of integrity is a big cause of stress and I would advise you to work hard to eliminate this source of unhappiness in your life

First, take time regularly to have an integrity check up. List your principles. Look at your values. Listen to your inner voice and see how accurately your behaviour is alligned to the values that you hold dear. A house divided against itself cannot stand.

When everything falls there is a sense profound inner peace that stressful events cannot shake.

Happiness Heals

A Hungarian study revealed that sick children in hospital who were visited by Smiling Hospital artists showed an increase in lymphocytes which suggests that immunological changes may develop when more attention is given to sick children to make them

There is accumulating evidence that happiness is associated with reduced of Coronary Heart Disease and other diseases as well.

The more you enjoy your life, the less bouts of illness you will experience. Happiness and enjoyment of life are associated with greater wealth,, better education, being in a stable love relationship and being employed. All these factors are linked to longevity.

Whatever your status in life, making a decision to become a happier person and taking daily steps to follow through will lower your risk of getting sick.

Happiness causes an increase of IgA which is the first line of defence against disease.

Are you too busy to entertain happy emotions? Remember, Happiness heals.

you-are-here-blog

What is the Sweetest Word in the English Language?

Posted in Happiness by Dr.Nedd.

I was traveling in Germany some years ago.

I traveled in a Volk Wagon Camper.

When I pulled up at the camping resort, the gate was closed and a big sign hung on the fence. It read, “closed for the night.”

I was half an hour too late. So, I was totally shut out of the resort.

I sat pensively in my vehicle and I wondered.

“Where am I going to sleep tonight? It is already 11 o’clock and everything is closed.

Is it safe to stay outside the camp? Will someone attack me?”

I was pondering these dark frightening thoughts that matched my depressed mood, when my pity party was disturbed by a vicious sound of a dog barking at me.

As I raised my eyes, this tall, official looking German guard darted fearlessly towards me with his bellicose dog. I looked up bracing myself for the harsh expulsion when the man looked at me with the kindest eyes I have ever seen and said, “ Come on in I have a place for you.”

I have often thought about that man and those words ,“come on in I have a place for you.” These were like honey to my ears, an unwarranted and greatly welcomed statement that I have since tried to use with others as often as possible.

Maybe this week you should open your heart or your office or your home to someone and say, ‘Come on in. I have a place for you or come on in, I have time for you’

If you live with this attitude foremost in your mind, imagine the number of people who will be blessed by your words.

This is a big part of being a successful person.

 

stress-blog-beach

What You May Not Know About Stress

Posted in Stress Reduction Tips, Uncategorized by Dr.Nedd. | Leave a Comment

When you are in the middle of a stressful situation over which you have little control, impulses go to the brain and one part of the brain called the Hypothalamus is stimulated and this leads to increased production of Cortisol. This hormone can have a deleterious effect on the physiology. It can reduce your ability to fight infection and cancer.

Review in Neurosciences has shown that cortisol may be synthesized in certain cells in your skin, namely cells in your hair. Studies have shown that there is a basal level of cortisol in hair but if you are exposed to stressors this may increase to add to the cortisol that comes from the brain. Since cortisol can have drastic effects on the body in times of stress, take steps not to let stressful events get under your skin.

Stress, Cardiovascular Disease and you

 If you are a hard working ambitious individual, one of the best things you can do while you feel well and have no signs or symptoms of disease, is to find out your risk of cardiovascular disease (heart attack or stroke) and begin to take steps to reduce your risks while you are healthy. The best times, says President Kennedy, to fix the roof is when the sun is shining.

The standard Cardiovascular Risk factors include, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or other lipid abnormalities, family history of heart disease, obesity and diabetes. Apart from these classic factors, work environment is playing a significant role in sickness and death from cardiovascular disease.

Overload, shift work, great responsibility without the ability to control outcome, interpersonal conflicts and lack of good communication with colleagues and supervisors are elements which contribute to the degree of stress that can cause harm to the blood vessels in the heart, the brain and the kidneys.

Identification and elimination of stressful hygiene factors should be undertaken, but beyond the removal of occupational stressors, each individual would be wise to take the challenge to assess her or propensity to develop a stress related disease, and learn some cognitive techniques that will take the stress out of stressful events and circumstances.

The connection between job stress and cardiovascular disease has been established. While companies are encouraged to reduce occupational risk factors, it is incumbent on each individual to protect his or her heart and brain.

Decide today that you are going to assess your risk of Cardiovascular Disease with your doctor, assess your stress level and learn valid scientific techniques that will reduce the negative impact of stress on physiology, and increase your ability to function well in difficult situations without concomitant ill effects.

Your risk of Cardiovascular Disease is changing automatically but never for the better, unless you decide to do something about it.

dog-blog

14 Ways to Give Effective Criticism

Posted in articles, Happiness by Dr.Nedd. | Leave a Comment

In all areas of my life I always try to refrain from criticizing others. Criticism pretty well always provokes ill feelings. The negative emotions triggered by criticism have poisoned many friendships and ruined many marriages. Saying something negative should indeed be a last resort. If at any time you feel you must criticize, resist the urge as valiantly as you can but if after some time you know you have to say something, please bear these points in mind.

1. Put some thought into choosing the location for the meeting that would promote positive feelings. Do just decide to talk about the issue and rush into a conversation. Do your best to create an atmosphere of trust.

2. Always separate the behaviour or act that you are criticizing from the person. Imply that the deed that you highlight is not worthy of a person of their caliber.

3. Be easy on the person’s feelings. Use the occasion to let the person feel esteemed and confident. Highlight the good points that you admire in them.

4. Before you launch your attach, ask permission to point out something. Set aside a time that is convenient to both parties.

5. Choose a private place where the other person can feel safe.

6. Start with positive feedback. For example, “ Kathy, you are always such a reliable person, that not to have shown up without a word made me feel like I was dealing with a different person….”

7. Remember the brain has a bias to pounce on the negative so deemphasize the negative and accentuate the positive. Negative comments are hard to let go and easy to hold on to.

8. Talk on a feeling level. Use the first person I, not you. For example, “I feel a little bit nervous pointing this out to you,” or “it’s painful for me to mention this” Let them see your vulnerability.

9. Criticize the act, praise the person and banish blame and welcome curiosity.

10. Stick to the central issue and describe the behaviour that annoys you. Use descriptive language not judgmental one.

11. Always give a way out. For example, “you might have been tired when you did this, because it’s just not like you. But I feel I should point it out anyway”.

12. Use silence. Read the non verbal cues

13. Welcome feedback – don’t reargue any points. Don’t defend your right to bring up the issue.

14. Listen more than you talk.

love-is-a-one-way-street-blog

Love Is a One Way Street

Posted in articles, Relationships by Dr.Nedd. | Leave a Comment

Feel a little frustrated with your lover from time to time? Join the club of millions of men and women who experience difficulties and frustrating emotions every day, and are still happy together.

Internalize this: love is a one-way street.

Want a great marriage? Then it is your job to be a great partner and to inspire the other person by the sacrifices you make and the discipline you exert to make them happy. Love is a one-way street. Don’t be concerned with what they do or don’t do or how they behave. Your job is to be the best lover you can be to that person and let the chips fall where they may.

Want more deep, inner excitement with the one you love? You can totally have it but you have to create it. It will not come from your partner or from circumstances. All good things must come from you. Love is a one-way street.

Realize that the highway of love runs only in one direction. You are in this relationship, not to get, but to give, not to be understood but to understand, not to be consoled, but to console, not to be satisfied but to satisfy. Don’t depend on the other person to bring all these beautiful qualities into the relationship. You must bring them. As Chris Rock, the comedian says, if you are a guy who wants a lasting and good marriage, forget your dreams, your hopes and your aspirations and just make her happy.

Don’t worry, if you focus on filling your partners life with happiness, you will get the overflow, and believe me the overflow will more than do to the trick.

That is why you should be so in love that we don’t want anything else but to serve that person.

Be so obsessed with giving and serving in your relationship that you don’t even have to get anything back – Love is a one way street and if somehow the traffic starts coming your way, so much the better.

What’s the alternative anyway? Love that depends on the mood of the other person is not worthy of the soul. So give, serve and give again. Love is a one-way street.

motivation-blog

How To Regain Your Motivation

Posted in articles, Happiness by Dr.Nedd.

You have set your goals. You know clearly what you want to achieve and your timeline has been established.

You are working hard. The promotion you visualized is about to materialize, but after working it away for weeks, you have lost your drive. Your motivation has disappeared and apathy and inertia are threatening to dominate your life. Your get-up-and-go has got up and left. You are feeling depressed, tired and unsure of yourself.

What do you do?

1. Check for physiological causes. You may want to go to your doctor and check for the insidious onset of disease that is lurking in the background. Rule out a physical cause for your lack of enthusiasm.

2. Exercise for at least 45 minutes 5 days a week unless medically contra indicated.

3. Revisit your goals. Get out your list and look at them seriously. See if they are still relevant to where you are and what you want.

4. Find out if your goals still have the ability to put fire in your belly. If not they may be too hard or too easy. Remember your goals have to be out of your grasp but not out of reach.

5. Review the reasons why you want your goals. Why are you working so hard to achieve these things? Know your reasons why. He or she who has a why to live for, says Nietzsche, can bear almost any how.

6. Check the pulling power of your goals.  Maybe it’s too general and needs to be narrowed into a specific area or field. Maybe it needs to be more practical. Can you actually see yourself accomplishing the goal and finally celebrating its attainment? Is it exciting to you? Close your eyes and imagine yourself with the goal and see if you feel on top of the world.

7. Examine the goal carefully and see if it is beyond your ability to achieve. Remember your goal should be possible but hard to achieve.  If your goal is to be the president or prime minister, this might be challenging but is it possible? Goals should be outside your grasp but within your reach.

8. Maybe you need more support from others. Get into a group of like-minded individuals who can encourage you to keep on going when it’s tough.

9. Maybe your goal lacks an altruistic focus. Maybe it is too selfish and so its capacity to impact others positively is compromised. Remember the old saying, “No man is an island.”

10. Manage your stress. Protect your body and brain from the onslaught of stress. Don’t just work on your attitude. Upgrade the hardware – your body and brain. Remember that it is the psycho-physiological system that makes it all possible. So begin to visit all the parts of your body and become more aware of how your body is functioning.

11. While you are about it breathe- breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth and release all the tension.

12. Make a decision to become a happier person. Remember happiness is a choice. Make a list of 7 things that make you happy and begin to do more of those things.

13. Create a policy of personal renewal and rejuvenation, which you will observe on a daily basis. For example cut your work up into segments of 60 to 90 minutes. After that designated time is past, its rejuvenation time. Do something to boost the psycho physiological system that has served you so well.

14. Beware of nay-sayers, people who like to rain on your parade and tell you that it is impossible to accomplish you’re your goals. Stay far away from those people.

15. Get a mentor, someone who has done similar things and seek some guidance.

16. Join a group of like-minded ambitious people who have the same burning desire for success and want to see you succeed. If you can’t find such a group, create one. Remember the saying, “iron sharpens iron”

17. Release negative emotion such as self doubt, hostility, anger, jealousy, guilt – be sure not to entertain these kinds of feelings. They will drain your energy. Get rid of them by embracing these 5 emotions. Think of these 5 emotions all the time – joy, hope, relaxation, confidence, loving kindness. Notice at any point in your day what feelings you are entertaining and exchange the bad for the good.

18. Invest in yourself. Find a seminar or course where you will meet motivated people and get some fresh ideas.

19. Breathe smile and relax.

Want more blog posts like this delivered to your inbox? Sign up for weekly updates!

[mc4wp_form id=”2780″]  

happiness-tips-for-the-professional

7 Stress-Busting Tips for the Working Professional

Posted in articles, Happiness by Dr.Nedd.

She jumps out of bed, rushes to the bath, notices her belly and avoids the scales, dashes to the kitchen, no time for breakfast, out the door, grabs a coffee on her way to work, up the elevator, straight to her deck, no time for hello, too much to do.

Works through lunch to finish a project for her boss, 40 more emails, 25 calls, hunger pangs at 2:30, rushes to the food court to pick up a muffin and more coffee, sits glued to her computer, no feedback from anyone, no time to chat.  She leaves at 6, dashes to pick up a pizza, then her son, lots of guilt, neck stiff, eyes burning, simmering anger. Makes dinner, nerves on edge, snaps at her love, goes to bed and weeps as she realizes that she gets to do it all over again tomorrow.

This is how we kill ourselves without really trying.

Here’s how to change things:

1. Face the fact that no amount of success in your professional life can make up for failure in your health. Make it your active purpose as Nathaniel Brandon says to put the health of your body and your mind first. Challenge yourself right in the middle of your busy day, everyday, to do even one thing specifically to protect your most important asset – your health

2. Write it on your heart and your computer screen that, happiness is not only relevant, it is crucial.  You are on the planet to be happy. You are here to celebrate the universe and anything short of that is foolish. Happy people not only live longer but they accomplish more. Learn to summon the emotion of happiness right there at your desk and spread it around as much as possible. Get up and walk around and look for signs of happiness in others and when you see it, accentuate it. This will help to keep you healthy. Happiness is the antidote to stress.

3. Change your attitude towards food especially breakfast and lunch. Stress is intimately connected to the way you eat. When you wake up in the morning, your body temperature rises and your metabolic rate is enhanced ready to nourish your cells. If you over ride this cue and rush to work without breakfast, insulin will instruct the body to store visceral fat around the middle, which contains enzymes that can hasten your demise.

4. Beware of substituting coffee for breakfast. Coffee stimulates a rise in cortisol and insulin giving the stress reaction an added boost. Want to avoid job stress and keep your cool under fire? Eat like a princess in the morning keeping the carbohydrates low. This is a wonderful way to fight stress as you head off to work.

5. At about noon your metabolism is at peak efficiency, ready to pulverize food and give you a rich supply of nutrients. Don’t bypass this opportunity, or insulin and cortisol will get yet another opportunity to produce inflammatory diseases like cancer, heart disease, dementia and arthritis which can all be precipitated by job stress.

6. Know that stress does more than tense your muscles or spoil your mood. According to Cardiologist Robert Elliot stress can also break the myocardial fibrils of your heart. 34,000 healthy Japanese die every year from heart attacks because of job stress. The pity is that while you rush to work and grumble at your computer under pressure, it is not just your mind that is under attack but your immune system and your cardiovascular system rendering you a more suitable candidate for cancer and heart disease.

7. Accept the fact that you are vulnerable and practice this technique every time you are confronted by one of the tiny, mundane irritations at work. Remember Elephants don’t bite but little mosquitoes do. Here’s the technique that can improve your effectiveness and your life:

Tense your body while taking a huge deep breath through your nose. Hold the tension and the deep breath for a while, then relax. Let all the tension go and feel it draining out of your body. Then smile and let your arms and legs become heavy and warm. Finally remind yourself right there and then that happiness is crucial.

This simple exercise will reverse the stress response at your desk in 11 seconds and in so doing it can ward off inflammation and a host of diseases that are the constant accompaniment of a stressful life.

Want more blog posts like this delivered into your inbox? Signup for weekly updates!

[mc4wp_form id=”2780″]
Fight negative thoughts

Change Your Thoughts To Become A Happier Person

Posted in articles and tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Can you do with a little more happiness in your life?

Here are a few ideas that will help you become a much happier person.

You might have noticed that the brain is attracted much more quickly to negative events and circumstances than to positive ones. The brain tends to have a bias for the negative. Some neuroscientists say that the brain is a magnet for the negative.

If, for example, your boss praises you to the skies for writing a brilliant report, but causally suggests that you might have used a bigger font, guess what will be going through your mind for the rest of the day?

You will not only be cursing yourself for being so dumb to use the font you did, but you will be angry with yourself for having written a terrible report. The words of praise for the brilliant reports have been ignored by the brain in its effort to clings tightly to any negative items within its reach.

How do you overcome this negativity bias that the brain maintains as its default mode? Many have tried to be more positive but the affinity for the negative persists.

The only way to interfere with this passionate love affair between the brain and negative events or circumstances is to retrain the brain. This means that you have to increase your awareness of what you think, say or do by changing the way you look at the events and circumstances of your life. Actually, you can use the circumstances and events in your life as cues to initiate brain training.

First make it your duty to guard your mind with more diligence. Raising the level of your awareness and living more consciously will help.

Whenever a negative thought comes to you, notice it and dismiss it quickly before it has time to take root. Dismiss negative impulses, events or experiences as rapidly as possible and welcome with relish any pleasant or positive experiences that come your way.

Make it a habit of noticing the parts of your body that feel normal. If your knee hurts, notice with excitement and gratitude that your right hand feels good and celebrate that in the brain. Let your emphasis of the positive be so powerful that the brain has to let go of the negative and take note.

Savour every positive experience with such enthusiasm that it will expand and take over the impulses of your brain. Begin a mission of noticing and emphasizing what’s good in your life.  These techniques will increase your daily happiness.

 

 

Want more blog posts like this delivered to your inbox? Sign up for weekly updates!

[mc4wp_form id=”2780″]
how-to-handle-conflict

How To Handle A Conflict

Posted in Stress Reduction Tips and tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment

The fact that you are a unique human with your own special talents and gifts is a guarantee that conflicts will develop. But how do you handle a conflict responsibly and without any pain or hurt from the parties involved? Here are 15 practical ideas about conflicts that you can use:

1. Back away from conflicts. If you know someone is coming to pick a fight or provoke dissonance, try as much as possible to avoid that situation.

2. If a conflict already exists, don’t suppress the discomfort. Don’t put off dealing with the person or persons involved. Make an appointment and address the issue at an appropriate time. Carry the credo that you are going to destroy your enemy or enemies by turning them into your friends.

3. Conflicts cause stress and stress causes diseases. Prepare for the conversation or the meeting carefully. The chance to unload the stress is a big deal; take time to prepare. Don’t only prepare the facts but prepare yourself emotionally. Eschew all frustration, anger, bitterness, revenge or hostility and fill your thoughts and your mind with feelings of love and kindness and patience. Be your wisest and noblest self.

4. Write down the goal or goals that you want to achieve from the encounter. For example: “I want us to agree never to shout at each other again, unless the house is on fire. I want us to agree to get out of debt.” Go to the meeting with clear outcome goals.

5. Adopt another kind of goal, a behavioral goal or performance goal to govern how you will behave during the meeting. Whereas the outcome goal does not depend entirely on you, the behavioural goal is entirely in your hands. Here are a few examples: “I’m going to sit up straight and maintain eye contact. I am going to listen opportunistically and never interrupt. I’m going to take notes.”

6. Leave your ego at the door. Do nothing and say nothing out of a desire to look superior. Boost the other person’s ego if at all possible. This is not a contest.

7. Define the problem clearly. Stick to the facts and leave blame, criticism or revenge out of it – just the fact.

8. Describe clearly the behavior you observe and not what you think it means; e.g, “ I noticed you arrived at 4:30 pm,” rather than, “you are always late.” Resist the temptation to condemn.

9. Banish judgment. Embrace curiosity. Adopt an enquiring, learning attitude.

10. Refuse to defend yourself. When you are accused of something turn the spotlight on the problem you are here to solve and focus on that. Give up being right in favor of being happy. Communicate with clarity, courtesy, consideration, constructiveness, conciseness and congruence.

11. Listen more than you talk. The less you talk the stronger you become.

12. Breathe in deeply and slowly thru your nose and breathe out through your mouth and relax, all during the conversation or meeting

13. Beware! Negative emotions abound and hostility can easily be triggered. Put on an attitude of respect and acceptance when conflicts arise.

Want more blog posts like this delivered into your inbox? Sign up for weekly updates!

[mc4wp_form id=”2780″]
who-is-your-doctor

Who Is Your Family Doctor?

Posted in articles, Happiness and tagged , , | Leave a Comment

I am a Family Doctor with a special interest in the impact of stress and happiness on human physiology and performance.

Like most Family Doctors, I have a good understanding of the mind – body connection. I can call up specialists in Gastroenterology, Neurology, ophthalmology or endocrinology, dermatology – you name it.

I know the best and I have access to them and can talk to the appropriate specialist in case I have a health problem.

Despite the ability I have to reach for a specialist and get her or him to attend to me if I am ill, I would feel very vulnerable if I did not have a family doctor especially one who knows practical physiology and biochemistry and who is experienced in preventing and treating all kinds of diseases.

With the prevalence of self-care and natural cures and prevention, there are far too many self-appointed “experts” in health care that think they have the right to become a health coach.

They embrace the right to fling around superficial advice on the most important aspect of life, just because they search the Internet and read a few articles on the subject or  can access an app that can check your blood pressure.

Good doctors are hard to find. Nevertheless, I would encourage you to get yourself one with whom you could search through the volume of crap that is being printed and presented to you every nanosecond.

Scientifically based disease prevention and treatment regimens are crucial if you want to be happy and healthy.

The family doctor understands human physiology, anatomy and biochemistry as it relates to your everyday life.  He or she is steeped in the body-mind connection. They see the evidence and work with it every day.

The Family doctor is in contact with specialists who are laboring daily in different fields to fight an array of diseases.

When it comes to your health you don’t need the flippant opinions of self appointed teachers and healing experts whose qualifications reside in the fact that they have read a few nutrition articles and books and can look things up on the internet.

Health or well being is the most important gift that you can give yourself and you ought to work with someone who knows the intricacies of what is going on inside your psycho-physiological system.

Trust someone whose life’s work it is to preserve health and reject diseases in all the organs and systems of the body with a huge legal accountability.

Get all the opinions and second opinions you want to get, explore all the options that make you feel comfortable, but know where to draw the line – with you and your doctor.

It’s up to you to find the right doctor for your needs. Your life depends on it.

In a future blog I will give you some specific ideas about what constitutes a good doctor and how you might go about finding the one that is right for you.

Want more blog posts like this delivered into your inbox? Sign up for weekly updates!

[mc4wp_form id=”2780″]
jogger-blog-photo

Top Stress Techniques to Prevent and Control Harmful Diseases

Posted in articles, Stress Reduction Tips by Dr.Nedd. | Leave a Comment

There is an epidemic of hypertension and Blood sugar problems in Canada and the United States.

Young peoples should not wait until they have signs or symptoms to be concerned. Because prevention is the best form of cure,  I want to be a voice crying out in the wilderness to help you focus on becoming healthier and keeping your blood sugar and blood pressure in the right zone with each passing day.

Here are a few ideas I have gathered after consulting with more than 120 thousand young people:

  • Health First – make this a practical obsession as you journey to the top. Without paying special attention to your health your may never reach where you want to go and if you do, the journey would have been less pleasant.
  • Establish a personal nutrition policy.  Tell yourself that you will not eat just to entertain your cheeks or please your taste buds, but rather to enhance your health, boost your energy and to make you resilient against blood sugar problems, heart disease, cancer and memory problems to which so many people fall victim. Not you. Every time you eat, make it an activity that will strengthen the immune system, and strengthen the heart and the brain.
  • Surround yourself with scientific information about what is good for taking care of your beautiful body and building resistance against disease. Don’t wait until you are 30 or 50 to take your immune system seriously. Do it now. Build a strong refined and integrated physiology that that will resist entropy and serve the world with enthusiasm.
  • Think cells. Remember that in your quest for a great you have 50 trillion cells that are depending on you. They want to help you achieve your goals but you must never ever ignore their constant pleas for good nutrition. Before you shop, before you bring any food within range of consumption, think cells. Ask yourself if this is the kind of food that will give you the energy and cellular motivation to conquer the world.
  • Refused to be duped by your youth. You are not as young as you think you are.  You do not have as much time as you think you do. If you are twenty-three, wink twice and you will be 35 wondering how you so foolishly wasted so many years. Be accountable now for the time you have and use it to build a refined and integrated physiology.

It is not old folks alone who should be saying that all your have is your health. If you are a wise young person you should know this and take it to heart. You can do that by instituting an exercise routine right into your day. Don’t make it complex.

Do it at home if you can and make sure you do certain practices that will increase  and maintain the strength and flexibility of your body. I am so glad I do Bikram’s yoga.

Stress is ubiquitous. Everybody is talking about how stressed they are and since stress is a huge component of most disorders, develop a policy to get a hold of stress before it gets ahold of you.

You will have difficulties but they don’t have to give you stress. Stress is the way you respond to the difficulties and hardships of your life. Your response will impact the way your heart functions. It will determine how high your blood sugar will rise. It will determine how much catecholamine will be released from Adrenal medulla. These factors will affect your propensity to develop Diabetes and heart disease and the early you are poised to take control the healthier and stronger and more effective you will be in your life.

The bottom line is – don’t take your health and energy for granted because you are young and have an abundance of energy. Institute these pillars of health NOW.

Prudent nutrition, physical exercise and stress control form the foundation of a successful and happy life.

Want more blog posts like this delivered into your inbox? Sign up for weekly updates!

[mc4wp_form id=”2780″]
13-rules-haapy

13 Rules to Live By For a Happier Life

Posted in Happiness, Relationships and tagged , , ,

Here are some suggestions of rules that you might apply to your life as you race towards your success:

– Wherever you are be fully there.Turn up the level of your awareness. Really see what you see and hear what you hear. She who is most aware of her environment is best able to master it. So imagine that your awareness is a lamp. Make sure it is trimmed and burning bright and you must keep turning up the wick of your awareness so your lamp burns brighter and brighter with every passing moment.  And focus your awareness inside – on what you are feeling and thinking, as well as  on the circumstances outside. Human beings are the only animals capable of focusing awareness inside and outside at the same time. Make use of this most powerful asset.

-Harbour no bitterness towards anyone. Walk around with a basket full of forgiveness and throw a handful of it right in the face of anyone who offends you. Life is just too short to spend any portion of it nursing animosities and registering wrongs and grumbling about the past. Nurturing resentment is like feeding a snake that will turn around and bite you to death.

-Love unselfishly. Love is a verb. Perform outrageous acts of love – at least once everyday. Do it at home. Do it at work. Do it on the street.

-Give your life away in service to others. See yourself as a channel of blessing to others especially those who are suffering in some way. Let “How may I serve” be the guiding principle of your daily life. Service fuels success.

-Cultivate and practice 9 qualities in your life. Write them down the old fashion way on a card and also put them in your phone or i-pad and think about them everyday: Love, Joy, peace, patience, kindness, humility, generosity, empathy and self control. Measure your actions by these 9 factors.

-Set your financial house in order

-Get out of debt. Revisit what you spend money on that offers little meaningful reward and can be easily dropped. Do you spend 2 weeks of your life working for money that brings you only a moment’s pleasure that is quickly forgotten? Money earned represents a piece of your heart. Use it well.

Continue reading